Introduction

This exercise in empathic communication manages a "Salon". Well known in European and early American society, the practice of communicating "...dans le Salon" dates back to Antiquity but the word is French. The concept is still widely used as a formal and polite way to express different opinion. Indigenous people from around the world sit to discuss important ideas. Their rule of "salon" uses the Talking Stick and the structured exchanges are enjoying a revival in corporate America.

This technique allows people to mirror streams of thought for one another and then to create new syntheses from divergent views; it is an empowering tool in that it can allow you understand several other reasoning processes, solutions and resources. Empathic thinkung encourages listening to others with the creative intent of reaching a greater depth in one's own understanding.

The French word salon (latin sala) means a "sitting room" but the dynamic idea behind the word means communicating in depth - and with rules of engagement. Just think of the great and earnest philosophical meetings through history and discussions that go on untill all is said, or remember sitting around a campfire on a mellow late summer night and telling story after story, then recognize how one idea will attract another.

So get a nice glass of wine, a cool beer or a mug of herb tea and get to the bottom of some local or personal problem. Solve it!

Exploring ideas in depth involves "listening" open-mindedly. The rules allow people to express themselves without the fear of being interrupted, judged or negated in any sense. The exercise involves orchestrating a totally receptive communication context and mood.

Empathic thinking "seeks to understand before seeking to be understood".

Empathy uses "...walking a mile in the other's shoes" as a basis for understanding; it is a quality and a power.

Empathic thinking is best used in small groups; there is a variation called "Ear of the Jaguar" for larger ones.

Tools:

• Use a "talking stick".*
• Choose a facilitator.
• Determine topics, time limits and subject, number of rounds, breaks, etc..
• Commit to adhering to the rules of "empatic thinking".

Method:

• The technique is best in groups of 12 or fewer people.
• Agree that everything that is said during a "salon" will remain in the salon.
• Choose a time for each intervention (between 1 and 3 minutes).
• Choose a theme or question to be discussed.
• There is a experiential difference between "serving the moment" and wanting the moment to serve you. More than a tool first period of time is devoted to silence in order to allow the participants to reflect on the theme.
• The facilitator then passes the talking stick to the first participant.
• Each participant expresses himself for the allotted time. Each uses time, dividing it with words and silences as s/he sees fit - but must agree to speak "from the heart".
• The group agrees to listen attentively, receive the communication in the heart and each tries to discern the "creative intent" behind it, to learn something of value.
• As soon as the time expires the speaker passes the talking stick to a next participant.
• When all have spoken, the facilitator can offer a synopsis, precis, synthesis or reminder before introducing the next round.

Note:

*The talking stick is a symbol which gives the person holding it the power to speak or to express him/herself within the above mentionned context and to receive respectful audience.

"Still waters run deep." say wisdom books. Team members who have difficulty communicating might have something creative to contribute. Just because they with a glib word can dominate doesn't mean they're offering depth. Set the rules -times, number of rounds to be played and expectations; write down your own avenues for creative get participant buy-in.

Modify the exercice so that the talking stick is a tool for larger numbers of participants. During a business meeting, for example, set rules wherein any participant could at any time grab the talking stick to immediately -stop time - and receive the empathy and respect that will allow him/her to reach the end of a thought.